Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Walmart
I walked in to Walmart not needing anything in particular. I figured I would walk around and grab some lunch before I headed back home. I wandered through the many aisles aimlessly strolling past the beer cubes on sale, the baby clothes, cheap makeup and the bicycles. It then came to mind that it was June. The start of summer was upon me and I didn't have a planner to remind me of my work shifts, family dinners, date nights and birthdays. Ah, well Walmart has everything doesn't it? Careening down the home and office aisle I spot numerous little pocket sized monthly planners. Perfect. I reached for my wallet to count my cash. A measly few crinkled dollar bills reluctantly peeled themselves out of the dark corners of my wallet. This was probably enough for a McChicken sandwich and a small root beer off the dollar menu. I stood, puzzled in the middle of the aisle, crumpled dollar bills in one hand and the cutest miniature green planner with wispy flowers printed on it in the other. Oh the debates of life. I was almost sweating from being so hungry. I needed a trip to McDonald's.Walking around these aisles must have worked up my appetite. But I really needed this planner. Plus it's green, only the greatest color in the world. I put the planner in my purse just to make sure it would fit. The little devil in my head appeared on my shoulder and made me think what if I just left it in my purse? No one would know, right? I quickly went down the next aisle, thinking somehow this was going to distract from the fact that the planner from the other aisle was in my purse. I pretended to be extremely interested in the Revlon blush and the Maybelline mascara. The eye on the label behind the unnaturally lengthy eyelashes was staring at me whispering thief in a seductive tone. I looked all around at the ceilings for security cameras that may be reporting me to the FBI like in Eagle Eye. But no one was running after me. I walked toward the exit and a Walmart employee stopped me. Receipt? she asked. Sorry I didn't get anything, I said as I felt heat rising in my face, veins pinching like I was on the verge of having a heart attack. OK have a great day! she said and placed a yellow smiley face sticker on my shirt. I skittered to my car and stared at myself in the window reflection. Bombs of sweat were rolling down my face, the yellow face smiling at me whispered liar as I hopped in the car, slammed the door, and drove off to the nearest McDonalds drive-thru.
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I liked your use of detail to describe the planner and when the employee asks for your receipt. I can picture the scene playing out in my mind.
ReplyDeleteThis is great! I loved your voice through out the entire story. It felt like I was actually with you-- sweating and all. Your descriptions are great: "Eagle Eye, Bombs of sweat, etc." I also liked that the eye in the makeup section was used to help increase the conflict of the story. Good job!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. I absolutely loved this! I felt as if I was with you and in my mind I was saying "Don't do it! Don't do it!". Fabulously written. The only thing I can suggest is substituting regularly used words like walked for something like strolled, something that isn't used often.
ReplyDeleteThe Smiley face calling you a liar was great. I also like the imagery of the mascara eye calling you a thief. I wish you had elaborated a little more on your feelings. Was your heart pounding? Were you shaking? Being hungry makes you sweat? This was kind of interesting. Or making a statement like "I didn't know whether I was shaking from hunger or guilt". Would have been an interesting line. I really enjoyed this though because in a way its a silly, almost innocent object to steal. Nice story. :)
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